Loving Life and Exploring Death in America

Several years ago, a remark attributed to Osama bin Laden (yes, THAT bin Laden) has stayed with me, something to the effect of “We love death. The U.S. loves life. That is the difference between us two.” Take this for what you will, but I know there is a lot of truth to this statement, at least the part about the U.S. loving life. Compared to a lot of other countries and cultures, many Americans have a lot of reasons to love life, in the sense that being an American or living in America generally affords many opportunities. Obviously, crime, hate, poverty, and other negativities afflict this country, but the degree of this hardship pales in comparison to troubles existent in other nations: we are not a war-ravaged country, or wholly destitute; our legal system is set up to avoid governmental corruption, and our media is so fierce, any wrongdoing or sketchiness will be accounted for. Though injustices are inevitable, programs are set up in this country so that justice can for the most part reign; basically, our constitution gives us basic rights that many other countries don’t have, and we have the freedom to speak up about anything without the fear of persecution, and even death.

Anyway, I think you get my drift. America is not a third world country run by a corrupt government, drug lords, or by no government at all. Our culture, then, highly values life because our lives are capable of being enjoyable; at the very least, the possibility of a pleasant, worldly existence makes the idea of living in America promising. The American Dream, right? So, on one level, enjoying a worldly life in America may end up sounding materialistic and superficial, but the consumerism in this country makes this undoubtedly true, to some extent, at least. Regardless, a lot of people in America can live relatively peaceful lives, making life more appealing than death. I think it’s safe to assert, then, that most Americans don’t LOVE death; some might be fascinated with it, but for the most part, death is something to be avoided (by medications, treatments, etc.), youth is highly valued (I think this is obvious), and dying is ultimately a negative, scary thing we don’t really want to get into or think about. Although I don’t think other less fortunate nations love death, either, I think they are more familiar with it because their everyday lives tend to be surrounded by it. They are less removed from death, so (sadly?) they understand it to be a part of life; it ends up not being as terrible. Maybe (warning: generalization forthcoming) death even becomes a release, a sort of freedom from the atrocities they are continuously faced with, or maybe just their upbringing and religious views make death less scary. I’m not sure, but I know young people in America don’t really grow up with the elderly in their homes (which, in many cultures, was a common occurrence back in the day); they are usually outside of the home in assisted living homes, retirement communities, etc., so they are separate from a child or teenager’s daily life. This is significant because individuals then become unfamiliar with the normal process of dying; instead, death is something frightening and horrific that they can only experience through television crime shows, medical shows, the news, horror movies, etc. So, when death does affect us, when death does enter our daily lives, when someone we love and care for does die (especially when their passing is sudden and seemingly too early), we are left in a troubled, confused state. The grieving process and subsequent continued existence for the living become the ultimate unknown, a sort of nightmare. We, being American, are geared for everything vibrant, everything that produces something, for progress; we are not, for the most part, prepared to handle the realities of death. At the very least, the realities of death for the living in the 21st century aren’t usual or preferred topics of conversation.

Ayelet Waldman, though, explores the grieving process in her latest novel and our August book club selection Red Hook Road, delving into how unexpected deaths affect the personal lives of the living, how they affect families and marriage, and how humans recoup so that their existence isn’t wholly destroyed by the loss of loved ones. She takes on this uncomfortable and painful topic for the benefit, I think, of her readers. Stay tuned for our weekend post, which will further reflect upon the aforementioned topics and other intriguing issues Waldman goes into in Red Hook Road.